Monday, January 26, 2009

My Momma Takes Care Of Me

My daughter just posted on Facebook asking what to do about a lying child. I immediately thought she was directing the question to me. Then I realized she was asking everyone that might be reading the post. I thought she only needed me!

What is it about us mothers that makes us think we must jump right in when we think our children need something? I was consumed with the desire to fix her problem. Funny, she is a mother trying to fix her daughters' lives too. Upset stomachs, runny noses, scary nights.

And then there is my mom. She lives with me and my husband. I can wake up in the morning, sit on the sofa and barely look like I might want coffee and it appears. She has warned me when there is a threat of ice that I should take off early to be safe. "Do you have a long coat in the car for emergencies?" - she asks. "Give me your keys and I'll warm up your car." Funny how I think it annoys me sometimes, but it is really nice to have your momma watching out for you.

Tomorrow is supposed to be cold and wintry. Thank goodness Mom goes to bed early so the coffee will be hot when I wake up.

Lovey

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Weak

I am thinking of the parts of me that I can now officially call "weak."

1. Weak mind - The other day I was helping my grandaughter with her homework and I looked at an animal and called it a zebra. She looked at me and said "Lovey, that is a giraffe." Ouch!

2. Weak bladder - I am regressing back to childhood behavior where I don't seem to have enough advance time to get to the bathroom. It happens so fast that I have to make a quick break for the restroom way too often. Ughh!

3. Weak knees - Knee surgery aside, the old knees aren't what they used to be. Too much popping and cracking. I thought this only happened to old people. Alas!

4. Weak back - The dreaded belly fat that I hear comes from stress has caused my back to weaken. Well I would prefer to think it is from stress rather than me sitting on my butt for hours at a time. Anyway, when the belly grows, the back goes. Whew!

5. Weak eyes - I was bragging to my husband, brother, and sister-in-law at a restaurant the other night that my near-sighted eye now compensated for my far-sighted eye. Therefore I can see much better than most people my age. The joke was on me. I pulled out a speeding ticket (my first) that I planned to take to court next Monday, the 26th. Looking at it with glasses, I saw the court date was Friday, 06. The 0 looked just like a 2 to me without glasses. Missed my court date and had to pay the full fine. Whoops!

Lovey

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Longing for Snow

I wonder if I have a genetic predisposition to need to see least one good snow a year. The closest I have come lately is to surf for pictures on the internet. I download them to my desktop and my screensaver so that I can at least pretend to have a true winter experience.

Let it snow!!!!!!!!!

Lovey

Thursday, January 8, 2009

I Wan't Drinking Last Night

No. I wasn't drinking last night. And last night I wasn't kidding either. I am used to fixing things myself, and when I see danger I begin to take note of my options. The army (or corps) sounded like a good idea after the week I had.

Today I was back to the grind. Lots to do at work and lots of feelings to keep soothed. Ahh, the life of a peacemaker. We don't allow our feelings much outlet time, so we must be dreamers who tell ourselves that we can walk away any time we want. With that private notion, most things are endurable.

Lovey

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

I Want To Join The Army

I'm hoping my anxiety medicine kicks in soon. I really need some calm in my life. After the last few days, I'm as edgy as a cat.

When I get like this I start looking around for changes. Instead of trying to calm myself, I can't stop myself from dreaming up diversions. I want to move out of the state. I want to change churches. I want to quit doing everything I'm doing now. I want to change jobs. The last one is a constant. I've never been content in a job. So tonight I went to the Army Corps of Engineers site and set up my resume. Just a little tweeking and I can post it. One push of the button and I could be called to be a part of the military. Well, almost the military.

I called my son and told him what I was doing. No reaction. He just said, "good idea." He works for the corps now and answers to a real life General. I always fancied that in my younger days I would have been great in basic training. I'm so good at obeying rules. I would have probably cried, but I was strong and fairly athletic. Now, thinking about being a part of an organization that values action and order makes me think I might even be able to do a push-up.

What would I do if they did call? I'd go.

Lovey

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

It is over

Susan died Saturday morning. She was so very sick, but did not want to die on the January birthdays of her daughter or uncle. On Friday night her mother told her that all she had to do was make it past midnight. Georgetta Susan Walker Perry passed away at 8:30, Saturday morning, January 3, 2009. She leaves behind a husband, three children and four grandchildren. She was forty-nine.

I did go see her seven days prior. When I walked in she was lying in the living room in a bed hospice had provided. She was moaning and asking her husband of 32 years to hold her. Her face was so drawn that her teeth protruded like someone in a concentration camp. Her little legs hung out from under her gown, but she said she was hot and did not want them covered. The only way she was able to take any liquid was through a small dropper. Her husband used the dropper to drip morphine into her mouth every 30 minutes. I spoke to her about when we were little girls and about how we loved to read to each other. In a barely audible voice she said, "I still love to read."

They cremated her body and we had a memorial service for her today. Everyone looked dazed. My cousin Kevin spoke about his older sister. He didn't talk about her being a good person or how much he would miss her. He talked about how strong she was. And no one disagreed. Susan died in the same county where she had lived most of her life. She died by a window that looked out over a country road where horse and buggies trot by every few minutes. She died as she had lived, without complaint. Susan was a very strong woman who knew that her life would soon be over and she went through the process of dying with great strength and dignity.

Dear Susan,

Memories of you are flying through my mind and tonight I am crying for you. I pray you rest in peace.

Love always,

Janice